Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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