His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize