I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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