Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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