Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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