hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
