I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
