I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize