We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize