I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
