So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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