When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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