when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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