to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's blow job season.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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