Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
