Swine flu. Run for my life!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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