I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
