sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
