her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
