You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
whose parrot is this?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
