dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
