Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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