moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
