Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize