Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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