my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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