Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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