I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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