You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
