god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize