I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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