where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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