i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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