No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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