I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
