I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
