WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
