so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
