yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
