I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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