my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
