you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
