He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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