I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
