i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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