I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
