She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
