After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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