when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
