he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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