I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
