sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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