the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
