Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
