college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
