i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
