did you get engaged???
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
