This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
