Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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