i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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